Saturday, June 21, 2008


I have had a very busy week, compared to the past few months.

On Monday, Sean and I completely rearranged the kitchen and office and bedroom, and also tore apart part of the living room. The house hasn't quite recovered yet, nor has Tonks, who has a small breakdown whenever she thinks we might be moving.

On Wednesday, I started visiting random HR people with Gail in the hopes that someone would take an interest in my resume and find a use for a kid with a BA in their IT company, which is not as hopeless as it sounds. It was really terrifying at first, but when I got used to it - two or three visits in - it was only somewhat terrifying. I'm a sort of shy person, I suppose, and not really used to selling myself to people I've just met. It's good practice, though, and you never know what is going to come of it. We did some more on Thursday, and by the end of the day on Thursday we had probably visited about twelve businesses and handed out lots of resumes. I also sent out a plethora of online applications and cover letters and resumes, which is probably less helpful than face-to-face meetings, but not a bad thing.

I also recieved an email on Thursday asking me to come in and help Amy with the festival things at the NBCC, which wasn't a huge shock - Amy is essentially doing at least two fulltime jobs right now - but a welcome diversion from combing online job postings and fretting and trying to finish setting the house to rights. Friday, then, I went in for the afternoon and figured out what I needed to do.

And while I was there, I got another surprise - an email from the woman who is hiring for a job that I really, really want, asking me to come in and chat next week. I had honestly thought that she wasn't going to call me until August, if ever, so it was quite exciting, and I have that scheduled on Monday. She didn't call it an interview, and I'm not calling it an interview, but I'm really hopeful about it.

And yet despite being in a more productive and hopeful place than I have been in a while, I feel flattened. The air is heavy - we still haven't gotten our prophesied thunderstorms - and the apartment is in a state, and Sean is drained from the week, and while I should just take the initiative and leap into action with broom and dishsoap, I would rather just sleep, except I'm just too angry. Angry at what? I have no idea. People seem to wander aimlessly into my path or spill coffee on me whenever I leave the apartment and being in the apartment only reminds me how dumb I am to be mad at it being a mess but not wanting to clean it for the millionth time. Ugh.

Hopefully the day picks up a little. I hate to waste beautiful summer days on moods like this, but I just can't seem to kick it.


Anonymous Jill said...

Hey, Steph...flat is a good way to describe it. I get it.

You've had a lot to deal with lately and feeling like this shouldn't be a surprise. Without sounding like a cliche, it's all part of the process. It will get better.

I am happy that you have some time to just "be" before stepping into the world of "Work Everafter".

Feel whatever you feel and curl up and sleep if you need to. Try and make yourself take a walk and try to still eat properly. It all helps.

7:40 AM  

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